Sunday, November 23, 2014

Determination

I wrote this some time ago, but it's time to post it for all the parents of angels who've been told it's time to quit.



I've been thinking about determination lately.

In life when we fail, we are told to try, try again. Practice makes perfect. Winners never quit and quitters never win.

The runner who trips just before the finish line is expected to rise--despite the 16 sneakers that he watched blur past--and cross that line.

You butchered a recipe? Fix the mistake and try again.

You're diagnosed with a disease? You're a fighter, damnit. You fight!

You treat a loved-one poorly? Apologize. Do better next time. Keep trying until you get it right.

Baby loss is one area where people expect you to quit. They actually tell you to quit.

You lose one baby and "God needed another angel."

You lose two: "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You should be thankful for the children you have." (If you are lucky enough to have them.)

A third? You must be stupid or crazy for thinking it's a good idea to keep trying. Determination has no place in baby loss, right?

Well fuck that. If you want an alive baby, you may have to keep trying even when you feel stupid and crazy for hoping that the next one will be your rainbow. But that little one is worth fighting for. So fight.