Friday, January 30, 2015

The Safe Zone Is Bullshit

I wrote this piece earlier this week for a writing pact that I made with a #writeingrief friend.

The safe zone is bullshit. I wonder how many times I have written that sentence in the past year. How many times I have thought it but didn’t say it. How many times I have wanted to scream it at someone. 

The safe zone. I mean who came up with that stupid ass phrase anyway? There is no fucking safe zone. At no stage in life is there a safe zone. None. Mortality is right here in your face. Right here all of the time. Every second. We know more old people who die than young people. Right? Probably. But I know plenty of young people who have died. The safe zone? Healthy young men die. Babies die. Unexplained. Reason unknown. Lightning strikes or cancer. Accidents. Influenza. Injury. There is no fucking safe zone.

What else is bullshit?

What is safe? 

“protected from or not exposed to danger or risk” 

Ok. So “safe” is just an illusion, right? Safe is nothing. Safe. Fuck safe. 

Protected from risk? Not exposed to danger? My babies were in the "safest place in the world," and they died. 

Safe is also: “not likely to be harmed or lost.” 

That’s what the safe zone is referring to, right? Statistically not likely to die. Fuck statistics. Ok? Fuck them so hard. I fucking hate those numbers. Your baby is UNLIKELY to die. That’s all it means. But tell that to the parents whose babies die. Tell that to us and then ask what we think of it. Bullshit. That’s what I think. Statistics are bullshit. The safe zone is bullshit. And none of it matters. Looking at statistics for reassurances does NOTHING to actually change the outcome. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that our chances of having an alive baby are still pretty good. The only thing that actually matters is that my babies died and will remain dead. I mean...obviously that’s not the only thing that matters in the scope of my life. With this question, though, the only thing that matters is that they are dead. Because they lived. They mattered. They are matter.

matter noun
  1. the physical substance in general as distinct from mind and spirit; that which occupies space and possesses rest mass

matter verb
  1. be of importance; have significance
synonyms: importance, consequence, weight

The safe zone is bullshit. I want to punch people who mention the safe zone. Well, I think I want to punch them. I’m not really into punching people, but in this case, my arms truly want to carry my hand toward the face of the person who talks about the safe zone and collide. Boom. Fuck the safe zone. Fuck it. Because it’s bullshit.