Saturday, July 5, 2014

Little Sister Moments

"I wish Alaska and Auburn were still here."

Elliott said this to me a few weeks ago as we drove home from his baseball game. That sentence, the fact that my son shared it with me, the truth and reality of it, hold an explosion of emotion that I can't really describe. The words simply fail.
Pain.
Gratitude.
Love.
Hope.
Truth.
Grief.
Heavy.
Happiness.
Anger.
Brave.
I swallowed and smiled and said what I usually say: "Me, too."

He went on to tell me how he felt when he helped his friend's little sister with a toy. He was laughing as he told the story and then he said that it made him miss Alaska. And if I could break any more, I did right then, but I also healed. We talked about how it must make Alaska and Auburn happy to see what a great big brother they have. And about how it's ok to be sad and miss our babies while also enjoying our time with friends and family, especially the little ones who might make us imagine what could have, should have, would have been.

Ultimately I feel gratitude around this experience. I am grateful that Elliott shared it with me and that we could heal a bit knowing that these little sister moments are a gift.