I texted my sister Sunshine a picture of the moon tonight just before I sat down to write. My writing turned into a letter to her that has been brewing for many moons.
My sister, you have been on my mind even more than usual lately and especially tonight on this fat-moon night. I know that many miles separate us, but wherever you are, the same bright moon hangs in the sky. I have been thinking about what you did for us last year when you visited on the last days of 2013. It was your first time staying with us. It was the last best day of my Before.
I haven’t allowed myself to fully process what you did. I have thought about it since we lost our sweet Alaska Eileen, but each time I go there, I just skim the reality. Lightly, quickly. Unable to face the role that I forced on you.
On that day, you had the boys at the library when I just texted you that our baby had no heartbeat (there was no way I could have spoken those words yet). You had no corner to go to, no way to even process this with the boys there. You just continued to love them and entertain them and feed them while you waited for our official news. We told the boys that their baby sister died and then we left. You kept them safe, you helped them begin to understand what had happened, and you made it fun. HOW did you do this? Thank you. I know it was unfair and impossible, but you did it anyway.
I’ll never forget those moments where you just sat with me and held me. No words were needed. You are light and beauty and so aptly named. I am forever grateful for you.