I am tired. Tired of being broken and knowing that this is my life now. I cannot go back to the before time when I was simply happy and thankful for my blessings. I can't even remember what that really felt like. Now every emotion I have comes with an etcetera.
For years I have wondered when my brick wall would appear. I knew that my happiness was too complete to last. I knew that, since I felt like I had everything I had ever needed and wanted, something would give. I didn't know that it would be the life of my daughter. I didn't know that it would crash down so unexpectedly. I had hoped that I was wrong and that life would carry on for decades before I found that brick wall. Honestly, brick wall seems too mild a term for this experience, but it's how I thought of this life changer before I rammed into it.
Today I am thankful etcetera for my blessings--thankful, unsure, afraid. I hold on to the fact that I continue to be blessed and feel happiness etcetera.