conversations after loss as the world moves on

Last week I found out that my baby had died.
Last week I had my baby.
Last week I became the mother of a dead child.


"I don't know what to say."
I know.
Neither do I.


"How are you?"
Crappy.
Heartbroken.
Angry.
Grieving.
Blessed.
I don't know.


*silence, avoidance, belly checks*
This really happened.
I will not pretend that I'm ok.
I can't smile to make you more comfortable.


"I'm so sorry."
I know.
Me too.
Thank you.


"It happened for a reason."
Yeah.
Ok.


"I wish there was something I could do."
I know.
Me too.
You can't.
You're here.


"I lost a baby, too."
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what to say.


"Mom, today I told my class that our baby died."
How did that go?
"It made me feel sad."
I felt that way, too.
"Mom, I miss our baby."
So do I.
I love you.