Forever Looking

"Mom, what if I'm 89 and it's my birthday and I wake up and I'm not on earth anymore?"

"Maybe I'll get murdered."

"How many days until I die?"

"I just want to know when I'm going to die!"

These are all things that Asher said this morning. We talked through his questions as he dribbled a basketball in the kitchen and I did dishes. Brandon and I wanted to stop the conversation because nothing makes a parent cringe more than hearing these thoughts from your child, but Asher needed to talk this out.

Later Brandon commented about how Asher is right. He might get murdered. The world is effed up, so we really don't know. I asked Brandon if it helped knowing that Alaska doesn't have to live in this crazy world, "Yes, a little, but it sucks that I didn't get to meet her."

Sure, the world is messed up, but it's also beautiful. Life is as painful, as tragic as it is beautiful. I didn't fully understand this until we lost our Alaska. And this brings me to the realization that we will forever be looking for Alaska.