I have had a few moments recently where I could feel the lightness of contentment. It's a tingling as if I can truly feel the healing stitches to my heart. However brief these moments are, I try to enjoy them fully. I try to project this light out into the world. My guilt usually moves in to weigh me back down, but I swear the guilt is getting sluggish. The light and strength I have gained from Alaska grow more powerful each day.
Because grief is so self-centered, I decided that my ego could use a reminder that I am not the only being in the world. I watched a TEDx talk today called "Getting Free of Self-Importance Is the Key to Happiness" by Polly Young-Eisendrath. She closed her talk with this guidance, "Look up and see if someone needs help, if someone needs a smile, if a door needs to be opened. I can guarantee if you do that you will find that the world is reaching out to you all of the time." Even though I know that she is right, looking up opposes every posture my body would rather choose. My body naturally tries to curl inward. I want to hide away and continue to inspect the floor. I am trying to look up more because I know that, as Young-Eisendrath stated, the world is reaching out to me, and I need to reach back.