Sunday, February 9, 2014

Second Chances (in my dreams)

I had another Alaska dream last night. This time she was born at 21 weeks (I should be 21 weeks pregnant now). In my dream, we knew that it was too early still. We had already lost her the way we did in real life, but in my dream I guess we got a second chance. We knew that we were going to lose her again. We were ready to say goodbye again, but when she was born in my dream, she was born alive. We knew that the doctors couldn't do anything to save her because it was too early.

But this was a dream, so anything was possible. I held our Alaska and rocked her and tried to feed her even though I knew she was too small. In my dream, though, she wasn't too small. We gave her special dream food for tiny babies, and she grew. She got so big that she was a really fat baby. We laughed at how she had overcome the odds and become a beautifully chubby little baby. She giggled and flapped her dimpled arms. She had gained so much weight that she had to lose 20 pounds. It was ok, though. She was chubby and alive and healthy! She was so strong that she had to LOSE weight because she was so good at living. And then I woke up.

My Alaska dreams make me happy. Even when I wake up to my reality and know that it was a dream. Life doesn't give second chances like that--not from death. I still got to see Alaska and hold her even though it was all in my mind. I probably sound crazy. I don't care.