I still haven't finished reading Looking for Alaska. When I finally do, what will I feel? Another kind of empty? Ready to read on?
I am afraid to read through to the last page because it's another end. I should be able to get to the end of one of my favorite books. It's not that I don't want to finish it. I just don't want it to be over. I don't want this part of my experience of my daughter to be over. I know that I can reread this book as many times as I desire, but I will never have this first time of reading as my Alaska's mother. I know that what I really want is to have my daughter back. I know that what I really want will never happen. I know that I must keep reading.
This stack of books shows just a few of the adventures that I have waiting for me. Soon I will tackle one of them. Soon I will tell Alaska about a new book that I discovered. I am almost ready.