Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Navigating the Slush

Day 2: #30DayMuchnessChallenge

Dear Alaska,   ‽ 
I'm tired today, Alaska. I have a cough that kept me up last night. Your great grandma Eva Eileen is here today. She loves you so much. And I do, too. <3 This morning when I woke up, it felt like my body was saying a big "screw you" to my muchness. But I got dressed and wore shiny shoes that would reflect light like Tova Gold recommended (she's like the Muchness Fairy). So my feet shined while I navigated the slush and puddles today.
And I listened to music. A song that I had never heard before came on the radio three times this afternoon while I was driving. It's exactly how I feel as I wrestle my inner voice that speaks up and tries to tear every bit of my muchness apart.
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
(Christina Perri "Human")
Although it is kind of sappy, I enjoyed your brothers belting out "I'm only human" in silly voices after they'd heard the song for the second time in a row (they sound just like Daddy). So even though this song mirrored my darkness today, I still found muchness in the music.
And I took a picture of the sky and I hugged my grandma and my auntie and I stood on my head and I snuggled a sweet little boy--our cousin. But I also thought about how it's been 10 weeks now since you were born. And how can it be 10 weeks? You know what else sparkles in the light, Alaska? Tears. I love you forever.

Love, Mommy   <3   ‽