Tuesday, January 21, 2014


This is our daughter.


I have a daughter. Her name is Alaska Eileen. They found nothing wrong with her, so it's my turn to be tested. We may never know what happened. So many people have to learn to accept no answers. I feel peace knowing that I have a daughter and that her name is Alaska Eileen. I am broken because I can't have her back.

When I was pregnant and told people that our girl name was Alaska, they either loved it or hated it (and weren't afraid of letting me know). Below is the story of how Alaska Eileen got her name.

One day in early October, I sat on the couch searching name lists for girls and throwing my ideas over to Brandon who was watching some show about Alaska (the state). He denied all of my suggestions and had no ideas to contribute. Out of the blue, he announced that we should move to Alaska (the state). This was not something that I was ok with, but to humor him, I joined him in reading information about what it would take to move. I also teased him about taking all of us with him if he was trying to run away from being outnumbered by our kids. I continued to list my potential girl names. He continued to shoot them down until he was walking out the door to go fishing, "What about Aspen?"

I liked it, but Aspen prompted me to suggest Alaska. Alaska is the name of a character in one of my favorite books called Looking for Alaska by John Green, but I would have never thought of it as a name without the events of our quiet October afternoon. He went for it.

We chose Eileen after my Grandma Eva Eileen. Our boys loved the idea that if they had a baby sister, her initials would have an A for Asher and an E for Elliott. We love our Alaska, our angel girl.