Monday, January 6, 2014

I'm not weird anymore.

I'm not weird anymore.

One week ago, I decided to take belly pics to send to my friends and family. Elliott took one after I did a goofy self-portrait peering over my bump. Aside from one photo at 5 weeks, these were the first belly shots of what I thought would be many more to come.

When I found out that my baby was dead, I transformed from being weird (and proud of it) to being broken. Will I ever be silly again? I can laugh at my family's antics, but I have no ability to amuse myself. Things that were funny before just aren't right now. I wouldn't know how to make my friend Michelle laugh and say, "You're so strange," like I imagined she would when I sent her my selfie belly.

So I'm not weird right now, but I have promised our angel baby that I will find a way to a new weird on this grief journey. For my family and for myself and to honor our third child.